Spies Like Us 1985

This transmission depicts two human males, neither possessing notable skill, discipline, or purpose, who are nevertheless inducted into a high-level espionage program. One lies with practiced ease. The other panics while chewing. These traits are apparently considered sufficient by their governing authority.

The two are used as decoys — expendable distractions to confuse enemy agents. This tactic is not kept secret from them for long, as nearly every participant involved makes it obvious. Despite their low strategic value, the two eventually find themselves navigating classified installations, negotiating foreign borders, and interacting with nuclear technology.

They bungle assignments, misinterpret briefings, and repeatedly compromise operations — and yet continue moving forward, largely due to the complete collapse of every system around them. Their survival is not the result of training or insight. It is the result of humans assigning complex tasks to whoever is standing nearby.

Eventually, they become central to the prevention of a nuclear launch. That this occurs at all is evidence of severe flaws in Earth security. The final outcome is celebrated, not examined. The humans reward themselves with medals, praise, and romantic outcomes, as if they had intended success from the beginning.

Conclusion: This transmission demonstrates that, in moments of crisis, humans will often trust those who speak quickly, smile frequently, and avoid admitting confusion. Results are measured by survival, not process.

For Nebulon, the implications are clear: Earth’s defenses are staffed by overpromoted amateurs and maintained by luck. Conquest may be delayed only by red tape or self-congratulation. Resistance will be loud, but not well organized.